the battle of crossed minds
by 2light4dark
Summary: Have you ever caught part of a conversation and just gotten the wrong end of the stick? Poor Gojyo tries to make sense of what the hell is happening to the world when Goku is this open about sex, and to Sanzo no less. Warning s : Gojyo's mind bless him. Sanzo for his skilled pro-active hands-on treatment of Goku.


**Title:** The Battle of Crossed Minds.  
**Author:** Vamp.  
**Rating:** Erm PG-13  
**Pairing(s):** None, really I can write just non-smut for a story.  
**Summary:** Have you ever caught part of a conversation and just gotten the wrong end of the stick? Poor Gojyo tries to make sense of what the hell is happening to the world when Goku is this open about sex, and to Sanzo no less.  
**Warning(s):** Gojyo's mind bless him. Sanzo for his skilled pro-active hands-on treatment of Goku.  
**Author's notes:** I would like to dedicate this interesting piece of work to my good friend Ebi-chan. Not only did she amuse me when sick, but she started this little baby growing.  
Prompt: sea cucumber warship, dribble, and a lack of sex.  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, nor make any profit from this, as if people would pay to see hot boys doing interesting stuff! However, the lack of plot, overly-twisted mind, along with the shadow-bunnies are all completely mine.  
**Beta:**Helliongoddess. Keep in mind I was the last person to have her grubby paws on it. All mistakes are mine, you can tell from the unique way I make them.

**The Battle of Crossed Minds**

Gojyo sat relaxing quietly while he and Hakkai played card games on top of the narrow single bed. This lone remaining twin room was all that the Inn had to offer, and all four travelling companions were currently squished into like pomegranate seeds.

Sanzo, as usual, sat by the only window that opened, happily smoking while reading a week-old paper, yet still present enough to whack Goku's head each time the boy's insistent chatter grew too loud and distracting for the grumpy priest.

"I was surprised at how easy it was to get so much in my mouth, all at once." Goku's whining voice soon filled the room in a way that, had anyone been talking to another, all conversation would have instantly been stilled.

Gojyo let it pass from his mind, hoping that Sanzo would rein in his pet's distracting mouth soon, choosing instead to focus on formulating a way to get this weak hand to turn in his favour before Hakkai won, _again_. Another victory by Hakkai meant Gojyo would add this week's washing to a growing list of jobs he would be doing - _alone._ It sucked to be playing solely against the demon killer. Had Goku at least joined them for a few hands, he could have at least lost some of the more annoying jobs to the monkey.

"The best bit was feeling the bumps sliding…"

_**Whack!**_

Goku's voice cut-off abruptly the moment paper made a hard re-acquaintance with his cinnamon locks.

"Ow, Sanzo that hurt."

Gojyo cocked his red brow at Hakkai, who was just smiling his blank, default-setting smile, while picking up a card and discarding another two.

_So what if the monkey had just discovered the joys of self-play with interesting-shaped toys can and now was overly-sharing?_ Gojyo rolled his eyes and lost yet another game. Damn. Now he was pack mule of the day, and no kink involved, either. This more than sucked for him, and it was all Goku's fault.

Another hand was dealt out, and only the rustling of slowly-turned paper filled the air. Gojyo managed to lose his obligation to darn Sanzo's socks, but it had been one close call: between that, and giving up a night with the ladies, while giving Hakka a_ complete_ foot rub instead.

"It was so hard to choose just one, what with all the exciting colours. And the guy in the shop was surprised when I ate…"

_**Thwack!** _

"Baka, I'm sure he was thrilled to see your freak-show mouth in action," Sanzo growled. He tapped the fan meaningfully, then decided to light up so he might glower better at Goku who was waving expressive chopsticks in the air.

Gojyo smirked, making a small-amused sound, and dealt out the cards. Hakkai looked at him with that _please-don't-say-it_ look gracing his face while he swept his first three cards onto the table, and bet a night of drinking on the contents of Gojyo's pocket. The hanyou was none too eager to endure so much financial pain. It would have been quicker to just scoop out his guts and beg forgiveness of some other Merciless Goddess, because the one he was currently working for (in a roundabout way) sure as hell did not give a flying fuck about the state of his meagre finances.

"Then he showed me the ones in water, and, wow, was they were so much bigger, and I just had to have one." Goku's bright enthusiastic voice carried on, heedless of the pulsing vein in Sanzo's temple.

"And the rest, saru? I've never known you to stop at just one before," Sanzo bit out, as heavy-laden with sarcasm as the mayonnaise on his cold ramen.

Gojyo made a small choking sound. _Shit, Sanzo knew about Goku's new hobby, and the little pest wasn't dead?_ He lifted his red eyes from his fanned-out cards, mostly a wash-out but for the pair of aces. Hakkai's hooded dark-green promised an unhappy ending to this, should Gojyo decide to take a more active part in the conversation. Gojyo chose to at least take a risk on his hand, and raised Hakkai's firewood collection with water collection. Both of which he did anyway so he was not sure how that would work out if he lost.

"Sanzo, why didn't you let me keep it? I got this little glass bowl to keep it safe in the back of jeep. An' I would talk to it every day, so it's not lonely. The man said they don't need much…"

_**Whack, whack, whack!** _

"Goku, this is not a pleasure-trip! " Sanzo shouted. Gojyo noted the saru just sat at his table, and continued tucking into to his bowl of whatever lord prissy-pants had bought him back in the marketplace. Whatever it was, Goku was taking his time over each morsel, with a look of divine pleasure. To Gojyo it looked just like his backseat partner was _eating_ Sanzo himself, and it was pretty bizarre to watch, disturbingly sexual even. Sanzo rose in a flurry of folded-down robes, leaving the room at top speed, his face pulsing a wonderful vibrant red like fresh sunburn, fleeing to the relative quiet of the lobby .

Gojyo's head spun, this had digressed into something way too odd. Maybe his eating that unidentified _ick-on-a-stick_ had been a rather unhealthy move, but there was no way he'd felt up to trying deep-fried spider, or caramelized-centipede-on-a-stick. Next time he would actually listen to Hakkai's wisdom, and not snack between meals. This was worse than that time he had eaten the cheese with over an inch of fluffy multi-coloured mould on it, and tripped his ass off for hours while waiting for Banri to come back from some half-cocked swindle.

Hakkai rose off the bed to stand, wearing his _you're about to get a lecture, so pay attention_ face, hands on hips, and eyes sharp enough to cut diamonds. Gojyo cringed out of habit, glad he was not the one currently under scrutiny.

"Goku, a sea cucumber is not a pet like the goldfish from festivals: it's a prized delicacy food." Hakkai then petted the boy's downcast head, and magically produced a new newspaper from out of thin air. "Here, take this to Sanzo for me."

It was a gleeful chibi monkey who ran out the door, calling for his sun, Gojyo noted as Hakkai returned to the bed. "You knew all along!" he accused the smiling man gathering up the cards.

**Crack bunny:**_ Look ma I made non-porn. Ok so its very naughty non-porn._


End file.
